Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
