I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize