I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
