god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
