theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
