Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
