I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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