What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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