Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
