I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
