Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
