I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
