We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think my moral compass just broke
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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