Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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