So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
