She is in my trunk
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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