Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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