He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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