I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
