hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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