Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
