he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
