He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
