How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
whose parrot is this?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
