yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
