I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
