Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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