He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
