Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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