Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize