if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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