even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize