i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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