Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize