Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Naked. naked and bneed help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
