Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
