I want to walk on stilts...naked
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Even my vagina gasped.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
