He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
