I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
