Where did you get a picture of my penis
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
