Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
