I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
