clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
