Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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