i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
