I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
