Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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