Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
