Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
