Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
