This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
