He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
