Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
