And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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