Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
