I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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