forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
