Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I want is dick and wine.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
