I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
