Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
