My liver just broke up with me...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
