he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's shark week go big or go home
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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