Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
