Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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