Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize