Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
