Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
