My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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