Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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