In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
