I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
